Patience

I got an espresso machine a few months ago, and with my bf's help, figued out how to make great lattes quickly. Recently though, I noticed that the milk just wasn't foaming the way it was before. So I trouble-shooted, cleaned out different parts, but it still really wasn't working the way it should. So I talked to him about it, and he said he'd help the next time he was over. He steamed and foamed the milk for me and turns out the problem was...

I didn't wait long enough to let the water heat up before I started.

BF gave me a knowing look and I said something to the effect of "Imagine that."

See we both know that I struggle big time with patience and being still. One of the reasons why I typically use my espresso machine on the weekends and evenings only is that I don't have time (or I think I don't have time) to stand and wait for the machine to warm up and go through the about 10 minute process of making the coffee when I have to get to work. Same argument for making cereal in the morning, or just cooking in general. To really prepare anything well requires focus and attention and being present, not flitting off to do other things.

2Peter 3:13-15 "But, in accordance with His promise, we wait for new heavens and a new earth, where righteousness is at home. Therefore, beloved, while you are waiting for these things, strive to be found by Him at peace, without spot or blemish; and regard the patience of our Lord as salvation..."

The same is true in my spiritual life. I get so impatient when God doesn't answer a prayer Right Now. As I struggled with dating, getting frustrated not meeting the right man, I kept praying to God. What frustrated me the most was that inbetween time just getting to know someone and I couldn't tell for sure if it was going to lead anything more. I wanted God to just tell me, so then I could move on either way. Rarely did it happen that quickly, because I wouldn't have to depend on God if I got my answer immediately. Would I have prayed that much otherwise? Knowing me, most likely not. I'm facing this again in a different avenue of my life. I know that God is calling me to something different but is not giving me an immediate answer-the best way I can describe it is that the future looks hazy. It reminds me of what Paul writes in 1Corinithians 13:12, "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known."

God is calling me to patience as this next stage unfolds. I am called to ask what He desires of me and be honest in praying from the heart, but even more importantly, to be still enough to listen for His response.

So how was this morning's coffee? Perfect!

It's a start.

Being a little silly

Yesterday was one of those days where my attitude totally affected how I reacted to events at work. What I thought was interesting was the way I realized it. Today I had to go to training in my district and there's always a theme for how we're supposed to dress. This time it was one of my favorites, the 80s. I love the music, the clothes were so outrageous, plus it's the decade of my childhood, so there's the nostalgia factor. I borrowed accessories from a friend, my mom recently gave me a pair of jeans she wore in the 80s (it made my head explode a little, thinking that I'm wearing the pants she wore when she was my age), used the pieces I had from previous 80s parties, and put on the brightest makeup I have.

I looked ridiculous.

It was awesome!

As I was driving to school, hoping I wouldn't get pulled over, I was thinking how much I needed this. I ended up being one of the most dressed up people there, went to lunch with a friend and the gym in all my 80s glory. And I didn't really care. I made myself and others laugh and that was enough.

Periodically I get into this rut at school where I take myself way too seriously. I don't laugh enough with my students. I instead only see the negative and end up snapping at kids that don't deserve it. Case in point-yesterday one of my students lost her shoe on the roof at recess. Seriously. She threw it up into a tree to get a ball that was stuck, only the ball and the shoe got stuck. Now in her 5th grade mind I'm sure this made perfect sense. I forget sometimes that I am working with children, God's creation, and they deserve to be treated with grace and patience.

Luke 18:16-17 "But Jesus called for them and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.'"

I need to be more child-like and forget offenses easily and quickly, not worry about the future, not care what other people think, dance, laugh, and sometimes dress funny.

Trying this again

One of the problems with having a female mind that jumps around to a myriad of tasks is that I sometimes don't finish projects, or do well with them for awhile, just to eventually abandon them. I have lots of different ideas and get inspired...but not for long. Blogging is an example. Over a year ago I started a different blog, posted a few times, but then got busy continuing my education and in my personal life. When I tried to find it last week, The Practice of Patience was gone. But the desire to reflect through writing is back. I'm reading more blogs than ever before (not much on commenting though), mostly for work purposes, have a blog with my students, and contribute to wikis for fellow teachers. I'm craving an outlet for my thoughts about everything else, although I know that I'll still be writing about work here too. I hope to be more faithful in writing this time; it's another way to consider the work that God is doing. Hopefully I'll become more like Martha's sister, Mary.