Growing Girl

Little L is about 7 and a half weeks old now.  We've graduated to a couple new things this week-cloth diapers, and partially because they give her a big ol' butt, size 0-3 clothes.  She is definitely growing; it was getting hard to snap her onesies even when she had on the regular diapers.  We think she's about 10 pounds now.  Almost every morning when I pick her up I think she's looks bigger.

So far the cloth diapers are going fine.  Of course our washer isn't working at the moment, waiting on someone to come out this afternoon to look at it.  Thank God for community, particularly those living on our block that are letting us use their washing machine.  Another way having a baby has changed my life-I do A LOT of laundry, not just her's but my own, since I can't manage to keep an outfit clean all day on me anymore.  But now laundry isn't as quick of a chore as it used to be, even when the machines are working at the house.  Like everything else I have to time it around feedings and non-fussy times. So far I've been able to keep up with it.

We've ventured out more, just the two of us.  I had to take her to the zoo this week a couple times, so one morning we walked around after I got my work obligations taken care of.  It happened that those days there were a whole bunch of school groups out on field trips (state testing this week so littler kiddos are "kicked out" of the building so it's quieter).  It was a day I was grateful to be staying home instead of teaching.  Otherwise I would've been spending my day either proctoring a test, keeping poor kids silent or constantly doing a headcount in the midst of big crowds.  Keeping track of 1 is enough for me right now. And lifting that heavy stroller and carseat in and out is a workout!

I also got to show Little L off to her dad's co-workers, walked around the mall one evening as a family, and visited her godmother.  Tonight is our first baseball game (my dad will be proud!) and tomorrow the Arboretum.  This kid gets to go to way more places than I did as a baby.

Changes

So how have I spent my day so far?

Folding and hanging laundry on the clothesline. Seeing little onesies flapping in the breeze is one of the cutest things ever.

Made my own granola bars using a recipe on Pinterest. They're cooling right now, so I'm not sure if they were worth the effort or not.

Doing dishes from the cooking.

I did all these things while Little L was in her carrier. Fabulous to be able to use two hands again!

So it got me thinking about how much has changed in the last three years. In April of 2009 I was single, not talking to any guys. I had made a commitment to God a few weeks earlier that I wasn't going to compromise what I really wanted (a strong Catholic man) anymore and if that meant not dating, then so be it. Little did I know that I'd be set up with one two months later, we'd be engaged in less than a year, and pregnant six months after getting married.

Being a stay at home mom was not a goal of mine in college. My mom was one only for my first year, so my role model was a working student who eventually earned her PhD and I wanted to be the same. It wasn't until I started teaching that my mind changed. I loved my job because of the influence I had on children everyday and when the day came for me to have my own, I wanted to devote my energy to my kids instead of someone else's. I'm not judging working moms; many are forced to work to make ends meet and I'm still hoping to do a little of it part-time. But I can't imagine being away from Little L for 10 hours a day and having to work while getting only broken sleep. Do I miss adult interaction and my freedom during the day? A little. But this where God is calling me right now and I have a lot to learn about doing it well.

A few firsts

Little L is already four weeks old today! Last week was Dad's first week back to work so at this point we've settled into a bit of a routine. It was tough for me to get used to being at home with her by myself all day. I will never again take for granted the ability to use both of my hands at the same time. She likes to be held when she's awake so I've had to figure out how to feed myself, go to the bathroom, get dressed, and attempt some chores while lifting an 8 pound person who can't completely support her head.

She also likes to eat. All the time.

So much of our time is spent doing that. I've been working through giving myself grace about my "lack of productivity". I know that I'm being productive, you know, keeping another person alive, but it's not how I'm used to spending my time, filled with activity. My husband has encouraged me trying a couple of things to help make it a little easier.

I started pumping about once a day so that way someone else can feed her. I figured given her appetite she wouldn't have any problems taking a bottle, food is food, and I was right. It's kind of depressing how quick she sucks it down though, when it took me half an hour to fill the thing, and sometimes she's still hungry after that. I'm working on building up a supply so I might be able to be away from her for a couple hours starting next month.

Right now L is asleep inside her sling. One of the things I've been paranoid about is dropping her so I was nervous about using it, afraid she'd fall out. Dad actually used it the first time and showed me how to use it. It does give me a little relief and it is really nice to be able to look down at her while I'm doing stuff; when I hold her she's facing forward.

I've been laying her down on her playmat for a few minutes at a time, that's all she has the patience for. Dad does tummy time with her and on Sunday night she rolled over onto her back three different times! Of course when I tried to record it she wouldn't do it. But it was no fluke, she did it again once last night. Her neck is definitely getting stronger and she does these cute little frog kicks. Such a big girl!

She hasn't slept with us at all for over a week, staying in her swing. We've had two nights in a row where she's stayed asleep for a five hour stretch, a big blessing for Dad when he has to get up for work. Her naps aren't consistent during the day but I'm sleeping enough at night, probably around 7 hours, that I have enough energy during the day. I'd rather use her naptime to get stuff done rather than sleep myself.

I took her out for the first time last week, to a work meeting. Unfortunately I had to drive during rush hour on a Friday evening, lots of stoplights that she was not a fan of. I thought I was going to have to turn around and go home, she was so upset, but eventually she calmed down and was great at the meeting and slept on the way home. Still keeping our outings to a minimum and not taking her anywhere myself unless I have to. Her first restaurant trip was over the weekend and I don't think we'll be doing that again for awhile. She eats really often in the evenings, which makes it difficult for me to eat anyway, let alone in a public place.

I could go on and on about other things we've noticed, how her hair's getting longer, all the funny facial expressions, distinguishing her cries, but that's enough for now. Going to try and lay her down and see if she keeps sleeping.

The Science of Parenting

The little one is two weeks old today. It's been interesting to see her personality showing through. She definitely has her likes (eating, looking at light) and dislikes (having to be changed, sleeping by herself at night). Every time I think I've figured out a pattern for her day, she changes it. For the most part, though, we're in somewhat of a routine. We don't get out of bed until pretty late in the morning. That time tends to be her quiet, alert stage where she's just content being held and looking around at things. She'll take a couple of naps in the afternoon/evening and then settle down for the night around midnight and wake me up to eat a few hours later, sleep some more, then repeat. Her feedings haven't been at consistent times or duration, although it ends up being about 5 hours of our day total. For now we've embraced the co-sleeping so we can get more sleep ourselves. We trade off holding her throughout the night but I'm not sure how that'll go when Dad goes back to work next week. Neither of us is looking forward to that.

Little L was baptized on St Patrick's Day. It was a beautiful ceremony performed by a priest we're good friends with. The small chapel was overflowing with our friends and family. She was so quiet the entire time, didn't cry once. We cried for her, both of us overwhelmed by this great Sacrament that changed her life. We had a nice reception afterwards and she got to wear the little St Patrick's Day outfit I bought for her over the summer, the only outfit I let myself buy while being pregnant. We've been so overwhelmed with everyone's generous gifts and support of her new life.

So things have slowed down a little for us now. All of my family is back at their own homes and it's just the three of us figuring out how to live together. We went to Mass together as a family and she slept the whole time. She went in the stroller for the first time, just down the block, yesterday. We head back to the doctor Thursday for a checkup. Next week brings the next test, taking care of things during the day without any extra help.

Hardest Week of My Life

So the little one decided to share a birthday with Michaelangelo. In not taking after her parents, she arrived early, by one day.

Many have already heard the labor story but if you haven't, here you go-

I went to bed Sunday night with lower back pain, right in the center of my back, different from the pain I'd been having during pregnancy. I woke up about 2:30 with cramping. I laid there, trying to decide if it was coming in a pattern or not. When my husband woke up about an hour later, I told him I thought they were contractions. A little after that we woke up my mom to let her know. We got ready to leave and monitored contractions, turns out there is an app for that. At 6 we called the doctor on call, notified our parents and close friends, and headed to the hospital. After filling out all the paperwork they took me back to a triage room, hooked me up to monitors to watch her heart rate and the contractions. The nurse checked on me a couple times, the doctor came once. About two hours later, the decision was made for me to go home because the contractions slowed down and I didn't dilate any further. At the time I was devastated; I felt like such a failure but ultimately I'm so glad we weren't at the hospital all that time.

So back home we went. And we were there all day. I updated friends and some asked if they could come over. We spent the rest of the day walking up and down the block, had lunch and ice cream, watched a movie, and told stories to keep my mind off of the contractions increasing in frequency and intensity. Check out The Bean's perspective on this day. My husband and I never envisioned going through a labor day this long and with friends and my mom there, but I'm so thankful we weren't alone, let alone stuck at the hospital where I wouldn't be able to eat or drink anything. Finally we made the decision to head back to the hospital at 11 Monday night.

This time around was very different. I had 4 very loud contractions just during the paperwork process and was in triage for maybe 20 minutes before they had us in a labor/delivery room. Originally we had planned on having a natural childbirth; after being in labor for nearly 24 hours I'd changed my mind. The call was made to the anesthesiologist for an epidural. The nurse checked me one final time and it was too late to get one. So I ended up getting what I wanted originally, funny how God does that. During the worst contractions my wonderful husband prayed the rosary for us; he was amazing that entire day, so positive and encouraging. The urge to push came on really quickly but the doctor wasn't there yet and the room wasn't prepared. He made it just in time, as she was crowning. Our little girl was out within a few minutes, born at 1:47 Tuesday morning. After we were both cleaned up, the grandparents came in to meet her for a few minutes. Awhile later little L went to the nursery, I got settled in the hospital room and by about 4am, it was the three of us starting this whole family thing together.

We were in the hospital until mid afternoon Thursday and received excellent care from the staff. I wish I had taken more advantage of sleep there, like I was told to, but the emotions from the delivery day and anxiety about the baby kept me from resting as much as I could. My husband took advantage of the time there to finally shave off his beard. He typically grows one in the winter time and decided around Christmas that he was going to grow it out until she was born. I'm much happier with the goatee.

So, since we've been home every day has gotten easier. I'm sleeping more, partially out of exhaustion but also I know that I need to let go and let God take care of this little baby just as He did before she was born. We originally planned to have her in a pack n'play at night but she doesn't like it, too much space and she fusses as soon as she's in there. She sleeps soundly when you hold her but then we don't sleep well because we're worried about her rolling off or getting smothered by covers. We tried the co-sleeper but in a queen size bed, there's just not enough space for the three of us. Last night my mom suggested trying the swing. She liked it while we ate supper and it worked well overnight. She woke up to eat, about the time I'd expected, and that was it. We'll see if we get the same results tonight.

Feeding is also getting easier. I'd been praying about breastfeeding these last few months, not taking for granted that it would just come automatically. The nurses at the hospital were very helpful and I discovered apps to help me keep track of feeding and diaper changes. Little L and I are starting to figure out each other's cues and what works best for us. She likes to put her hands in the way, thinking that it's helping when it just causes her and me frustration. Reminds me of myself and my tendencies to control when God wants to take of me in His way. I'm trying not to stress about her weight; I know it's typical for her to lose a little within the first couple days of birth and by next weekend she should be back to her birth weight. That was another surprise, everyone thought she'd be bigger than 7.5 pounds. I'm excited she gets to wear all the newborn clothes and diapers people bought her. The feeding time has been great for me to pray and read (downloaded books on my phone) and just be with her.

I have so much to be grateful for. My husband has been incredible. He keeps me hydrated and taking my pills, runs errands. He loves changing her diaper so they have their time to bond and is constantly taking pictures. My mom has been cooking, cleaning, taking care of the laundry and keeping me calm when I get anxious. My inlaws and our friends have been great about visiting and bringing meals or whatever else we need. And this little life we have now is just amazing. She is so beautiful, makes the funniest faces and noises; we are totally in love.

So while this week has been physically and emotionally exhausting, it's all been worth it.

Nesting

Now a week away from the due date. My father-in-law was really hoping for a Leap Year baby in honor of his mother whose birthday is today. Not out of the realm of possibility but looking doubtful. My husband and I were both late arrivals to the world and are generally not punctual anyway so we'll see how this 39th week goes.

I've now cut myself off from working and have managed to keep myself busy getting last minute things done before the baby comes. The doctor and hospital are paid and my husband's time off work was approved, both things causing me a little stress last week, so I'm grateful they are taken care of. We had the house cleaned a couple days ago and for the most part have the baby's room in order.

We were very grateful to get this dresser from a friend of a friend. One of the disadvantages of an older house is the small closets. The closet of her room is already filled with all of my clothes, shoes, crafty things, etc. so the large dresser is for her clothes, blankets and diapers. We went with a Noah's Ark theme, hence all the cute little animals people have given her.

If you're my friend on Facebook you may have seen the rocking chair and crib when my hubby put them together. We got her diaper pail, hamper (it's in the corner where you can't see it) and the rug from Ikea. All of her other items- swing, vibrating chair, toys, play mat, stroller are in the office half of the room. Decided not to post a picture of them since many of them will probably be moved into our bedroom or the living room as we need to use them. The empty wall space over the crib is where we'll have letters spelling her name. We've got a frontrunner but months ago decided not to set our hearts on a name until after we see her face to face.

So what else have I been up to?

Trying to stay stocked up on food and items around the house so there will be fewer errands to send people on later.

Pampering myself with a haircut and color and pedicure.

Maternity photos

Getting time with friends.

Watching childbirth dvds.

Reading "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Even got to try out some of the techniques on a friend's baby and they worked!

Buying items we didn't get from the showers and then figuring out where to put them.

Going to bed early and sleeping in until it's just too uncomfortable or I get too hungry.

Visiting the doctor for checkups.

Getting the car washed.

Writing in my journal and her baby book.

Lots of prayer.

According to the almighty internet, here are some famous people our daughter could share a birthday with in March-

1-Justin Bieber, Zach from Saved by the Bell, and my dad's favorite, Harry Caray

2-Bon Jovi and Dr. Seuss

6-Michaelangelo

7 (the due date)-Pam from The Office

10-Chuck Norris (he lives in TX, maybe he'd come visit us in the hospital!)

14-Einstein

I'm not looking at any dates past that!

Final Countdown

We've got two weeks to go now. I told my husband last night that I was actually feeling more ready but then this morning, when I could've slept in, couldn't because I was thinking of all the things that I need to do today.

I've been working occasionally the last two weeks but have had much more time to do the whole nesting thing. It's ironic that it happens at this point in pregnancy. I have all this motivation to work on things in the nursery, but my body keeps me from doing as much as I'd like. I get short of breath quickly, bending over to pick things up is a challenge, and I can't lift very much. But I've been able to do A LOT of laundry; I just keep finding things that need to be washed. This girl has so many clothes.

My husband and I went to the childbirth, baby care, and CPR classes. It was very amusing to watch him give a doll a "bath" and dress it, and then he just kept the baby in his lap while the teacher continued to talk. We both feel more confident now that we've had a little practice.

In case you're wondering how I'm feeling physically, overall just slightly uncomfortable. Haven't had any BH contractions yet and don't have that "dropping" feeling. But, the bag is packed and loaded in the car with the carseat just in case. Praying daily for a safe, natural delivery and trying to remember that she'll come when she's ready. Makes planning a little difficult but learning to be flexible now!