Lent

I was in some moderate traffic on my way home from work and errands this evening. I was listening to Catholic radio, a call-in show that today focused on the Passion. Until a couple months ago I never would have been listening to this. Back around the first of the year I felt convicted to give up using my phone in the car for Lent. Not only is it a safety hazard, it is always my fallback when I'm restless driving from one place to another. Instead of setting aside time to call family members and friends, I do it in the car when I have nothing else to occupy my attention. Now I spend more time in prayer, silence, or listening to a radio station that inspires and teaches me.

There's no coincidence to the length of the Lenten season. Not only does it mirror the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert and the amount of time it rained in the days of Noah, but studies show that it takes that amount to time to either stop or start new habits. This Lenten season has not been the first time that I've made literally lifechanging choices.

A few years ago I decided to give up frozen foods because I was almost completely subsisting on them. I noticed that I started losing weight as a result, so I kept it up, gradually cut out other junk food, and tried to eat foods that God made, not man. A year later I was 80 pounds lighter, and 3 years later I still am. Not only do I look completely different, my confidence has changed and I'm in a body that is healthy and active.

I also started dating a lot more during this time, but didn't always make the right choices. Last year while on a Lenten mission trip, God convicted me to wait for the man that I truly desired, that had the qualities that would lead to a lasting, holy relationship. I wasn't going to waste my time with guys that weren't good enough just so I'd have someone to talk to and take me out. This meant being completely alone for awhile. But a few months later I met my now-boyfriend of 8 months. He was what I'd been praying for for so long. Our relationship is pure, mature, and centered on what matters most.

Now that this Lenten season is drawing to a close I wonder what's going to happen next. This has been another amazing time of sacrifice and growth and I don't want to fall back into bad habits. I want to keep growing and making the best use of the time God gives me.

Hebrews 12:1-2 "...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Lillies and Calves

Last week I bought a beautiful starfire lilly for a lesson on plants. My kids and I have both enjoyed watching how this flower goes through its life cycle. They asked me to take pictures of it over spring break because some buds hadn't opened yet. That's forced me to pay more attention to it than I normally would as I bustle about on different tasks at home. I noticed that the final bud on the flower seemed to be taking forever to open. I was so tempted to just pry it open myself so I could enjoy its beauty right away, but knowing that I have a black thumb, forced myself to just leave it alone.

A day or so later it opened on its own and it was worth the wait. It's like the coffee episode all over again.

At least I know I'm not alone in my struggle with patience. Around this time I read from Exodus 32 when the Israelites make a golden calf and worship it instead of the Lord. Why do they do this? Because "...the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain..." (v1). Instead of waiting for God to move in His time they take matters into their own hands with disasterous results: "Then the Lord sent a plague on the people, because they made the calf-the one that Aaron made." (v35) I always shake my head when I read of the Israelites and their ingratitude because I see so much of that in myself. I was talking with a friend a couple months back about a decision I was struggling with. She told me something that I've been thinking about often and came up in "Believing God" as well; that as Americans when we in a dire situation we oftentimes pull out the credit card to solve it, while most people in the world are in poverty and only have God to rely on. And then we wonder why in the postmodern church we don't see miracles like we read about in Acts and the Gospels.

I ultimately decided to let God provide instead of working to do it myself. And it hasn't always been easy. I don't really doubt that I made the wrong choice but those questions do pop up every once in awhile since the situation hasn't been resolved yet. But I know that when it does God will get the glory.

Psalm 7:17 "I will give to the Lord the thanks due to His righteousness, and sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."

Patience

I got an espresso machine a few months ago, and with my bf's help, figued out how to make great lattes quickly. Recently though, I noticed that the milk just wasn't foaming the way it was before. So I trouble-shooted, cleaned out different parts, but it still really wasn't working the way it should. So I talked to him about it, and he said he'd help the next time he was over. He steamed and foamed the milk for me and turns out the problem was...

I didn't wait long enough to let the water heat up before I started.

BF gave me a knowing look and I said something to the effect of "Imagine that."

See we both know that I struggle big time with patience and being still. One of the reasons why I typically use my espresso machine on the weekends and evenings only is that I don't have time (or I think I don't have time) to stand and wait for the machine to warm up and go through the about 10 minute process of making the coffee when I have to get to work. Same argument for making cereal in the morning, or just cooking in general. To really prepare anything well requires focus and attention and being present, not flitting off to do other things.

2Peter 3:13-15 "But, in accordance with His promise, we wait for new heavens and a new earth, where righteousness is at home. Therefore, beloved, while you are waiting for these things, strive to be found by Him at peace, without spot or blemish; and regard the patience of our Lord as salvation..."

The same is true in my spiritual life. I get so impatient when God doesn't answer a prayer Right Now. As I struggled with dating, getting frustrated not meeting the right man, I kept praying to God. What frustrated me the most was that inbetween time just getting to know someone and I couldn't tell for sure if it was going to lead anything more. I wanted God to just tell me, so then I could move on either way. Rarely did it happen that quickly, because I wouldn't have to depend on God if I got my answer immediately. Would I have prayed that much otherwise? Knowing me, most likely not. I'm facing this again in a different avenue of my life. I know that God is calling me to something different but is not giving me an immediate answer-the best way I can describe it is that the future looks hazy. It reminds me of what Paul writes in 1Corinithians 13:12, "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known."

God is calling me to patience as this next stage unfolds. I am called to ask what He desires of me and be honest in praying from the heart, but even more importantly, to be still enough to listen for His response.

So how was this morning's coffee? Perfect!

It's a start.

Being a little silly

Yesterday was one of those days where my attitude totally affected how I reacted to events at work. What I thought was interesting was the way I realized it. Today I had to go to training in my district and there's always a theme for how we're supposed to dress. This time it was one of my favorites, the 80s. I love the music, the clothes were so outrageous, plus it's the decade of my childhood, so there's the nostalgia factor. I borrowed accessories from a friend, my mom recently gave me a pair of jeans she wore in the 80s (it made my head explode a little, thinking that I'm wearing the pants she wore when she was my age), used the pieces I had from previous 80s parties, and put on the brightest makeup I have.

I looked ridiculous.

It was awesome!

As I was driving to school, hoping I wouldn't get pulled over, I was thinking how much I needed this. I ended up being one of the most dressed up people there, went to lunch with a friend and the gym in all my 80s glory. And I didn't really care. I made myself and others laugh and that was enough.

Periodically I get into this rut at school where I take myself way too seriously. I don't laugh enough with my students. I instead only see the negative and end up snapping at kids that don't deserve it. Case in point-yesterday one of my students lost her shoe on the roof at recess. Seriously. She threw it up into a tree to get a ball that was stuck, only the ball and the shoe got stuck. Now in her 5th grade mind I'm sure this made perfect sense. I forget sometimes that I am working with children, God's creation, and they deserve to be treated with grace and patience.

Luke 18:16-17 "But Jesus called for them and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.'"

I need to be more child-like and forget offenses easily and quickly, not worry about the future, not care what other people think, dance, laugh, and sometimes dress funny.

Trying this again

One of the problems with having a female mind that jumps around to a myriad of tasks is that I sometimes don't finish projects, or do well with them for awhile, just to eventually abandon them. I have lots of different ideas and get inspired...but not for long. Blogging is an example. Over a year ago I started a different blog, posted a few times, but then got busy continuing my education and in my personal life. When I tried to find it last week, The Practice of Patience was gone. But the desire to reflect through writing is back. I'm reading more blogs than ever before (not much on commenting though), mostly for work purposes, have a blog with my students, and contribute to wikis for fellow teachers. I'm craving an outlet for my thoughts about everything else, although I know that I'll still be writing about work here too. I hope to be more faithful in writing this time; it's another way to consider the work that God is doing. Hopefully I'll become more like Martha's sister, Mary.